


Trending: Fodlan's New Internet Sensation

by Erina



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, in order to not spoil, more character tags to be added as they appear, twitter fic!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-10-04 13:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20472008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erina/pseuds/Erina
Summary: Instead of having a war, Fodlan welcomes its newest internet celebrity.In which introducing Twitter makes everything a little better, and a lot worse.





	1. Claude - @failnaught

**Author's Note:**

> What's this?? Did I just write a non-bnha fic???  
Well I'm kind of out of the fandom for now, and 3H is super trendy right now, so here I am.
> 
> A couple notes:  
\- Don't turn off the custom skin. It'll basically make the fic unreadable.  
\- At the top of each chapter, there will be a person's profile shown. That means the entire chapter is shown from their POV (basically their twitter feed and DMs)  
\- Pretend that this is a world where Fodlan hasn't entered a war and everyone graduated peacefully and Rhea decided to invent the internet in order to troll Seteth  
\- That said, there will be some spoilers later on, particularly about some Blue Lions post timeskip plots, so tread carefully! There will be a pretty obvious divide, though.  
\- This fic was super inspired by [this account's tweets are protected](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14590842/chapters/33719760#workskin)  
\- Basically everyone has two accounts, one main and one private. The exceptions (so far) are: Felix, Hubert, Dimitri, Claude "My secrets have secrets" Riegan

his royal dukedom  @failnaught they hate me cuz they aint me  
  
following  
50 followers  
50

  


  


Edelgard von Hresvelg   
@edelgardvonhresvelg  
The annual Battle of the Eagle and Lion is merely three moons away. Remember to follow @garregmach for updates and further announcements. The Adrestian Empire would like to thank you for your support. 74,292 67,157

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@aymr hey edelgard do you know where i can get some stomach poison for free? asking for a friend 

Edelgard   
@aymr  
@schemerbeaver Stooping to lowly tactics, are we? You must not be very confident in your own abilities.

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@aymr lol you misunderstand the poison’s not for me 

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@aymr figured i gotta give you a handicap to make things more even

Edelgard   
@aymr  
@failnaught Would you like to have an individual battle then? We can see who really needs the handicap.

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@aymr lol sure hmu anytime im down for anything as long as it doesn’t cause an international incident

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
what are you going to do, throw your axe at me? (says man seconds before he has an axe thrown at him) 

Claude von Riegan   
@claudevonriegan  
Meeting of the Alliance Leaders to begin soon. Transcripts of final decisions and other notable changes will be posted online shortly after.  33,475 19,802

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver hey leader man stop flirting and pay attention to the meeting 

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
count gloucester’s looking over at you   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
which one, the ugly one or the ugly one   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
hmmmmmm   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
objectively speaking, the uglier one   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver @freikugal If you two must insist on using social media during such an important meeting, I would appreciate it if you could continue your correspondence in private messages. I do not care to see this baseless slander against my character. 

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
...   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
What in the world?   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lmao finally ive been waiting for nearly a moon for you to tweet on private 

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
awwwwwww you’re kinda cute lorenz ♡   
1

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
When did you even have time to do such a thing? I know better than to trust you with my social media.

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@freikugal Oh I see. You can be easily bought, can you?

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lol no no no i can assure you there was nothing easy about it 

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
Hmm...   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
Anyway, Claude, how do I change it back?   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
...   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver Claude?   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
sorry man gotta pay attention now your father is kinda scary   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
You cannot be serious.   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@freikugal Very well then. Name your price.   
1

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
now you’re speaking my language (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  


Hilda Valentine Goneril   
@ladyhilda  
super cute bag that i’ve had my eyes on for awhile!! ♡♡ i can’t decide which color i like better. maybe i’ll get both?? 7,734 12,906

Annie   
@swampbeasties  
@freikugal Awww that’s super cute!  
1

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lmao real subtle there, hilda   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
learned from the best (Face Throwing A Kiss )   
1

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@swampbeasties not as cute as you, annette ♡  
2

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
awwww he said no  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
as the leader of the alliance i am proud of the integrity and moral standards that our lords hold themselves to

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@failnaught you just wanted him to keep the username  1

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
:^)   


Lorenz Hellman Gloucester   
@lorenzhellmangloucester  
Summary of the meeting can be found here: leicesteralliance.fodlan/harpstringmoon Please tweet any concerns at @leicesteralliance 26,224 16,768

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
It is fine. I have resigned myself to my fate.  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
hey thanks for taking care of the writeup   
1

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
yeah thanks lorenz!! you’re the best ♡  
1

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver @freikugal Hmph, I neither want nor need your gratitude.

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
Though it wasn’t too bad seeing the two of you again today. You seemed well. 2

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@onesucciboi yeah we never get to hang anymore! my bro’s super busy so i got to be at home holding down the fort and leader man’s suddenly a hotshot

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@onesucciboi you should come over when your father inevitably decides again that he should be allowed to add almyra to his list of territories

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver Very well. Then perhaps I will see you again very soon.  1

Ferdinand von Aegir  
@ferdiebot  
I am Ferdinand von Aegir.  
620 965

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lmao did we ever find out who was running this bot 

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver nope i seriously thought it was lorenz but that theory was debunked 

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@freikugal Why on earth would you think that was me?

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@onesucciboi you sent a love letter to a girl pretending to be him before

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@ferdiebot hey there, hope you’re having a good day! 

little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
That was once and it was because I was trying to get the girl to stop clinging to me!

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
here in the golden deer we never let anyone live down their mistakes 

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
that is our motto   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
holy crap it actually worked im a genius   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@failnaught that must be why we pick on you so much, claude

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@mistercasanova hey sylvain!! you’re looking good today ♡

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@freikugal hey hilda ♡ im not buying you that bag  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
drat, foiled again   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova what was this about you being a genius?

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught you’ll see soon enough  


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova See what, exactly?   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
oh crapppp ingrid’s here i have to do damage control brb 

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught if i don’t return pls screenshot before it gets taken down

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova sure thing buddy  


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
damn now im super curious   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
think he got dumped again or something?   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
OH MY GOD   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
??????????   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@failnaught @failnaught @failnaught  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
WHAT   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
It appears that his highness believes this to be a search engine. 

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
lol classic   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova you are a genius im sorry i ever doubted you

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
leader man bout to slide into those dms   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
brb   


Fates Changing | Chapter 9   
@quietwhispers  
Newest chapter of Fates Changing: fodlanfics.com/32f2vDS2 792 424

Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@failnaught ooooo claude your favorite fic updated  


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
asdfasdfsdfkljds priorities   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
it’s fine i’ll read it later   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
  
hey there, your princeliness!! it’s claude, welcome to the future  
  
Claude? How are you here? I was told that I should “tweet” about any problems that I have and then I’ll have the answers that I seek.  
  
yeah that’s right. sometimes it doesn’t work though so you gotta try again  
  
I… I see. That doesn’t sound very reliable.  
  
don’t worry about it  
  
hey so wanna follow my private? can’t talk too much on main or else my retainer’s gonna have my head  
  
My apologies. I don’t really understand anything you just said.  
  
And… your retainer is willing to kill you?  
  
figure of speech, young prince. though he prob is  
  
anyway just follow my instructions and you’ll be good to go. ill send you hilda and lorenz’s stuff too  
  
This is all quite confusing. I had just wanted a question answered.  
  
don’t worry im sure someone will answer it soon  
  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Shut up you boar  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught Huh, you were right. I did get a response.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught And it even sounds like Felix. How remarkable.  


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd be prepared to see the wonders of twitter

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught I can’t speak of the helpfulness of the answer, though.  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix wait when tf have you had an account  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix and how on earth did you get that username  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova I see your username is as degenerate as you are  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova You know Ingrid is going to murder you, right  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd hi your highness! thanks for the follow ♡♡   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix don’t remind me i had to bribe her with a whole pot of stew just to get to this point 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@freikugal Thank you. You are Miss Goneril, correct? I admit I’m still quite confused with all this terminology, but this seems quite fun.  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova How could you possibly think this is a good idea  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix his first ever tweet was about you don’t you feel the least bit grateful 

Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova Shut up  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@felix Felix, or, er, search-engine-that-speaks-like-Felix, are you talking to yourself?  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd You shut up too  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
o right gotta get his highness to follow me   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Thank you for the follow, your highness. It is an honor.   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd As a word of advice, please be mindful of what you type. You never know who could be reading.  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lorenz i swear if you type another word   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver I know. I learned my lesson from the last time I tried to interrupt one of your schemes.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@onesucciboi Pardon me, but who are you?  


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
…   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
oh boy i can almost see lorenz’s vein pulsing   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
particularly that angry one on his head that we named bobo   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Please excuse the username and icon. This was all Claude’s idea of a joke, and I’m sure you know that he’s not as funny as he thinks he is. It is I, Lorenz.  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
screw you im hilarious   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@onesucciboi I see. But you must be careful. This constitutes as identity misrepresentation and could get you in a lot of trouble.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@onesucciboi I admit that I’m not as familiar with Leicester laws as I should be, but surely a nobleman such as yourself must know of the consequences? You could be imprisoned for identity theft.  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
lol i cant screenshot fast enough   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
it’s true. as a certified leader of the Leicester alliance i can assure you that little lorey will definitely be arrested for identity theft in a few days   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd …thank you. I will keep your advice in mind.   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
yep bobo is def ticking away   


Edelgard   
@aymr  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd …Dimitri, hello. I was not aware that you had a twitter.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@onesucciboi Good. I’m always glad to help a trusted ally.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@aymr Edelgard? You’re here too?  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@aymr Greetings. Sylvain told me to make an account a couple hours ago.  


Edelgard   
@aymr  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd I see. You should have your account verified. That is, if you are truly the prince.  


Edelgard   
@aymr  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd And if you aren’t, surely I do not need to inform you of the capital punishment of impersonating a royal figure, do I?  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
they said the exact same thing omg they could be siblings   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver I daresay you’re enjoying this a little too much, Claude.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
the only entertainment i have nowadays is you, lorenz. give me a break   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@aymr Thank you for your advice, Edelgard. I’m not quite sure what verified means, but I’ll make sure to learn all the new terminology before the next time we speak again.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@aymr But fortunately I am myself. There appears to be an imposter of Felix around, but that is understandable.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@aymr Felix is amazing. I would want to impersonate him as well.  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
lmao that was fast   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd lol forget my retainer, you sure yours won’t murder you first?   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught Felix won’t kill me.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught I think.  


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
hmmmmmmmm   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
think i could get him to spill the deets of faerghus’ weaknesses before the battle of eagle and lion   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver i bet you won’t   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal hilda! my friend. my compadre. i thought you understood me better than most.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal yet after all this time, you’re still doubting me   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver it’s because ily that i think you won’t!!   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver look at him. too pure for your schemes   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
think he would cook for me if i asked   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver go for it!!   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
You two are so weird.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
hey buddy it’s not nice to kinkshame   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@freikugal I… appreciate the sentiment, though I was not aware that you could see my search inquiries. Perhaps I ought to be more careful in the future.  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
oops i forgot he followed me   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd don’t worry about it!! i was just showing claude what a sweetie you are   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@freikugal S-sweetie?! O-oh no, that’s too much…  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lmao did he just stutter in text  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal that’s why you have 3 accounts   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd damn your highness you’re just killing it with the ladies today  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver please we all know you have at least a fourth one where you talk to yourself   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@mistercasanova ooo was there another one??   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal i can neither confirm nor deny that statement :^)  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
so he might have seduced my friend’s horse   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
gasp! not the horse!   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova Sylvain! Please, not another word.  


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
choose your fighter: his royal highness seducing a horse or sylvain seducing ingrid’s grandmommy  
12

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught wait how did you even find that out   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@failnaught sylvain   


Annie   
@swampbeasties  
@failnaught Sylvain, sorry!  


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@failnaught Sylvain.   


dorothea~ ☆♡   
@divathea  
@failnaught I bet Sylvain would even try seducing a granny horse too~   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
damn, can’t a dude catch a break around here   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
oh shit   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd did you seriously sic felix on me   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
gotta run might die idk ill post updates   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova You know as well as I do that I can’t convince Felix to do anything.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova Perhaps he simply mistook you for the predator that you are and is coming to deliver some retribution?  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova (Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes )  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
…damn that was lowkey hot   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
we don’t kinkshame in this house except when it’s leader boy  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
have i just been demoted to a boy just for appreciating that sick burn   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Your Highness, as much as I appreciated your last statement, perhaps you should consider refraining from saying such things in public.  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@onesucciboi I’m not in public. I’m alone in my room right now.  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lorenz!!! stop being a responsible human being!!!   


his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd don’t pay attention to lorenz your royalness he’s got a stick up his ass so long it extends across the continent all the way up edelgard’s ass   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver Meanwhile, you continue your trend of saying the worst possible thing in any situation.   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught I see. That does sound troublesome. I shall be careful not to trip on it.  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
i can’t tell if he’s joking!!  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
me neither!! is he slam dunking my alley oop?? or is the ball sailing right over his head?? i have no idea!!  


Hubert von Vestra  
@ladyedelgard  
If you do not delete that tweet this instance, I will rip your flesh from your bones with my bare hands and dispose of your body so that no one will ever find your corpse.  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
…   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
…did anyone just see that   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver scary!! you’re super good at making enemies, claude   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
why was his username ladyedelgard   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
was that actually hubert or was it edelgard trying to legally murder me   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
you can’t look at that man and tell me he hasn’t gotten away with murder at least 37 times   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver Rest assured, Claude. Even if you are killed, the Alliance will be in good hands.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
thanks lorenz i guess i can go be tortured with a clear consciousness now  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught @freikugal @onesucciboi I suppose this is enough of “The Twitter” for me today. Dedue is calling for me so I shall retire for the night.  
80,475 113,720

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught @freikugal @onesucciboi I’m still rather confused, but I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to speak with you all again. Good night.  
55,549 102,106

his royal dukedom   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd right back at you   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lol this should be fun   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
wow his highness got popular all of a sudden! guess word finally got out   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
no offense, it’s super boring when i can only talk to you two   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver Offense fully taken.  


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver go read your fic, claude!! you broke your streak of being the first commenter!!   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
worth  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
alright here i go. time to cry   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver I do wish you would put that fourth account of yours to use and tweet these weekly rambles to yourself.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@onesucciboi but then i wouldn’t have anyone to remind me that my opinions are trash and takumi is unredeemable   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver you know, im still super surprised that you’re a sucker for romcoms!!   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@freikugal You gave the story a try, did you not? Was it to your liking?   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
hmmm it was okay   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
the ship was cute and all but it’s get super existential like they’d be holding hands and leo would say “my childhood was dark and i was lonely. you’re the only one who has ever loved me, takumi. do you think people can live forever”   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
and takumi will say “damn leo im just trying to eat my sandwich here it’s not that deep”   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
but that’s like claude’s whole thing so im not surprised he’d like it   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
but the shippy moments were adorable!! even though fates is trash   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal excuse me how can you say that when your display name is what it is   


Claude Apologist   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver i said i’m a claude apologist i never said i was a fool   
1


	2. Sylvain - @mistercasanova

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments! They really mean a lot to me.  
Also I cranked out this chapter relatively fast but don't expect the next one for awhile.

all women are queens ♕  @mistercasanova longtime connoisseur of the fairer sex  
  
following  
264 followers  
867

  


  


Sylvain Jose Gautier   
@gautier  
As you all know, the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus has the honor of hosting the Winter Ball this year. I would love to go with one of you cuties. Leave a reply below if you wouldn’t mind going with me. (Winking Face )   
1,432 1,002 638

Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
Disgusting  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
o hey im unblocked    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix hey there felix missed you at training today   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova You and the boar suit each other perfectly. You’re both wild animals giving into their most basic primal desires  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
believe it or not dimitri’s actually been spending less time training and more time messaging claude    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
look at me mending faerghus’ relations one step at a time    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
Worthless  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix damn he really can’t win with you    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
I was talking about you  


Annette Fantine Dominic   
@anniecakes  
Newest video with @merciemuffins featuring deliciously cute strawberry shortcakes! Make some of your own in an hour or less! fodlanvideos.com/anniecakes   
4,920 5,213

handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@mistercasanova hey sylvain you still looking? because i got some girls i can introduce to you ♡♡   


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@anniecakes annette you must bring some of those over next time you visit!!    
1

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@freikugal if it’s marianne im going to pass   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@freikugal i broke three bones last time you threw me down the stairs for making her cry and it wasn’t even my fault for once   
1

handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
(Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )   


Annie   
@swampbeasties  
@freikugal I’d love to! But it’s hard to find time to travel that far   
˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚  


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
sylvain, quick. punch claude in the face and cause an international incident    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
excuse me who do you think i am    


Mercedes   
@lamine  
@mistercasanova I think you are a wonderful person, but you seem to have some deep insecurities rooted inside you. You’ve improved so much over the years I’ve known you. I can tell how much you’ve grown. Keep at it!  
39

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
it’s worded like a compliment but i feel like she just dunked on me   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova Perhaps you should ask the search engine if you’re constantly plagued by worries? It has been helping me a lot to deal with my own issues.  
75,098 99,472

dorothea~ ☆♡   
@divathea  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd No worries, your highness, I’ll do it for him~   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
ok who tf is actually giving dimitri advice i was just trolling    


Dorothea Arnault ☆♡   
@missdorothea  
Alright, ladies, I have an important question for you today. Who is more attractive between @gautier and a wilting cactus? Vote now!   
762 4,204 2,341

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
sometimes i get the feeling that dorothea hates me    
1

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
not sure what could have possibly given me that impression though    


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@mistercasanova Would you please tell his highness to stop messaging Claude mid-meeting? He keeps laughing accidentally and interrupting my father.   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
no i assure you it is very much intentional   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
his highness is not that funny   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@onesucciboi sure he should be in his own meeting right now ill just bust right in. im sure nothing could go wrong    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
lorenz cockblocking me from all the way across the table   


Hubert von Vestra  
@ladyedelgard  
It is not possible to cockblock someone who does not have the balls to begin with.  


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
how is it fair that her retainer’s dishing out all these sick roasts meanwhile edelgard gets none of that personality   


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@failnaught how can you say something so brave yet so controversial    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
hey she was the one retweeting randolph’s “how to defeat claude’s schemes” articles. this is divine retribution   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix hey felix i need a favor please ill owe you big    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova No  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
i didn’t even say anything yet!    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova My front door is locked. Goodbye  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd dimitri?    


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova Um sure, I don’t mind.   
45, 623 51,706

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
What do I do when I feel bad for someone, but I don’t really want to help them? :(  
204,124 210,893

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
……………………………………..    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
lmaoooooooo i take it back your highness you are absolutely hilarious   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught That was rather out of the blue but I appreciate the sentiment. I find you quite entertaining to be around as well.  
84,292 76,905

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
i can’t believe this. first dimitri roasts my ass and then he shamelessly flirts across my dead lifeless body    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix felix don’t you feel even the slightest bit of sympathy for your old pal. im on the ground clutching to the shattered pieces of my dignity    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
tears stream down my face as i drown myself within the depths of despair    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova It’s raining, you idiot   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
o right   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova Annette left some cake earlier. I don’t want it so you can have it  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix thank you, your kindness. i will cherish this piece of cake as if was my last    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
cradles the cake to my chest    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova I can hear your pathetic attempts at opera singing outside. Stop.  


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova walks over and kicks your body down   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught drops cake in puddle, lets out a heartbreaking wail    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova laughs evilly and scoops up cake piece by piece in front of your face   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
What the fuck  


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@felix don’t worry about it!! claude likes to belt out in roleplay sometimes    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught sobs miserably, offers brother in exchange for the last piece    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
Why?????????????  


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova cackles and gives last piece of cake to brother  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught wAiLs DeSpAiRiNgLy   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova Alright FINE I’ll unlock the door, you imbecile. I can’t take any more of this  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
o hey door’s open thanks felix    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
i was just about to try dimitri’s door but i always knew you were kind    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught you can keep my brother claude   


Garreg Mach’s Gatekeeper   
@gatekeeper  
Hello there, something to report! As the moon comes to an end, each army will be required to pick out their finest warriors and submit them to be eligible to participate in the upcoming battle. More information can be found at  eagleandlion.fodlan/participation.    
640,792 920,310

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
just peeked in the replies and damn everyone’s so thirsty    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
what does he have that i dont    
721

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
nvm im just going to delete that last tweet those replies were vicious    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix you’ll be entering right let’s spar together    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova The boar hasn’t asked me yet  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix come on you know it’s going to be the old blue lions house    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
me, you, dimitri, ingrid, dedue, ashe, annette, mercedes    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
we make a kickass team. we got this    
7

Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
Hmph. Well, it has been some time since I’ve gotten to see that lapdog’s strength with my own eyes  


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@felix how much to recruit you   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@failnaught Let me get the kill on both the boar and Sylvain and you have yourself a deal  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
kill????????? KILL??????????????   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix you know this is a showcase battle right????? RIGHT???????    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@felix lmao you’re so much easier than hilda  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd we’re in danger, dimitri. felix has defected our intel has been compromised    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
We have no intel. Our strategies are literally to charge forwards until we hit an enemy  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@mistercasanova Oh wonderful. I’ve always wanted to face Felix in a serious battle. It’ll be fun.  
256, 458 281,900

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
you know… the only reason we’re not on the bottom of those “who will win eagle and lion” polls is because claude’s purposely sabotaging his own team    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
i admit to nothing   


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@failnaught i saw you sit raphel and ignatz down the other day and vote for black eagles 5000 times each   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova you’re right loyalty is dead  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught im a little offended that if you were going to sandbag you couldn’t even sandbag to the correct team   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
lmao sorry buddy i don’t think any amount of vote padding is going to save this one  


Candy~  
@redheadlover  
  
Awwww aren’t you just the handsome one ♡ I’d LOVE to go to the ball with you if you’ll have me (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  
  
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen (Face Throwing A Kiss ) Are you a baker? Because you’ve got an amazing set of buns (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  
  
I looooove you already. Let’s get married and have crest babies (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  
  


Sylvia  
@sylvainfanclubpresident  
  
master sylvain!! ill go 2 the ball wit u!!! (i even changed my name to match urs! ♡ we can name our child sylvette!!!  
  
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen (Face Throwing A Kiss ) Are you a baker? Because you’ve got an amazing set of buns (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  
  
sOBS no1 has ever luved me b4 im sry im not usually this emotional u just get me like no1 else  
  


Passionate Flames  
@blazingit420  
  
hey man im tots willing to go with you if you introduce me to his highness if you know what i mean… that man is hot like mmmmmmmmm just rub his voice all over my body  
  
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen (Face Throwing A Kiss ) Are you a baker? Because you’ve got an amazing set of buns (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  
  
im a dude lol but im willing to try it if highness is into that kind of thing ;)  
  


Granny Black  
@lilactruffles  
  
Hello, I’m sorry to bother you. I’ve been told that you were into older women and I’m normally not so desperate, but my husband just passed away ten years ago and I just feel so lonely.  
  
Wait, I’m sorry for your loss, but why are you messaging me again?  
  
Oh! It’s because the wonderful Dorothea from the Opera House down the street told me that you would be willing to be my husband’s replacement.  
  
…  
  
just because i made out in her bed ONE time…  
  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
  
You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen (Face Throwing A Kiss ) Are you a baker? Because you’ve got an amazing set of buns (Face Throwing A Kiss ) (Face Throwing A Kiss )  
  
o shit   
  
Hard to be a baker when you’re serving jail time.  
  
On account of murder.  
  
SWEATS   
  
Fuck off, asshole.  
  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
pitiful worm sylvain goes back to his natural state of being    
253

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
WHY DID THAT GET SO MANY LIKES DO YOU ALL LIKE TO SEE ME SUFFER THAT MUCH    


Fates Changing | Chapter 10   
@quietwhispers  
Newest chapter of Fates Changing: fodlanfics.com/5Sd894J   
923 1,024

almyran potato   
@failnaught  
thanks for the food   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
time for the second hottest archer in the world   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova Look, your favorite fanfiction updated. Please stop moping under my desk and go read it. Felix will unblock you eventually.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel o hey you’re right nice    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
wait how am i supposed to do headcanons-with-felix when there’s no felix    


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@failnaught im sure ignatz would be super happy to hear you think he’s the most handsome archer ♡♡    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
he better be hot as hell if he wants to bone the goddess   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova Wait, Felix actually reads this?    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
lol   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
lolol    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel the perfect man doesn’t exist, ingrid    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught hey claude don’t you have better things to do than read fictional stories about two dumb young adults    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
like solving world hunger or achieving world peace idk. you know, inconsequential things like that    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova hey sylvain don’t you have better things to do than to sit around being an actual real life worthless dumb young adult every day  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
:)    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
:)   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught so what do you think of it    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova cornier than the corn soup lorenz makes when he wants to convince himself he’s not completely useless   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
takumi’s got a cool glowy bow though   


Ingrid Brandl Galatea   
@galatea  
Please join Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd in the upcoming press conference this weekend to discuss various topics, ranging from the Battle of the Eagle and Lion to the recent harsh weather and crop shortage. Follow @kingdomoffaerghus for more information.   
189,231 213,492

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught are you serious, the writing is the only good thing about it   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
…   


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
ooooo fight fight fight    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
oh look, felix said that you have no right to judge when you still read self inserts   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
WHAT    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
sweats    


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
I seem to recall a certain someone burning water at the local harvest festival last year.   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
Or perhaps the time when he tried to follow one of @anniecakes recipes and forgot to crack the egg when baking it.  


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
But of course, the almighty Claude von Riegan, leader of the Alliance, couldn’t possible be that incapable, correct?   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
felix i can’t @ you but are you really that angry, you promised not to tell anyone    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@freikugal from experience is it easier to buy his silence or commit murder   


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@failnaught murder   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
felix im sorry i didn’t mean to hit on you   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@freikugal alright im counting on you to bail me out, my friend   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
i mean i did but not like that    


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
@failnaught you got it!! i’ll bring my axe and marianne ♡    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
What is going on here?    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel INGRID felix hates me so much he’s about to tell everyone i didn’t actually kiss a girl until i was fourteen   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
Okay, I did not need to know that.    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@freikugal maybe not marianne   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
screenshot, get   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova Besides, I’m watching Felix train with his highness right now. He is nowhere near his twitter account.    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova And I just quickly checked his twitter and he hasn’t said anything in awhile.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
wait then how did claude know    
1

Ingrid Brandl Galatea   
@galatea  
The press conference has concluded. A recording of the meeting can be found at faerghusnews.fodlan/conference All attendees are invited to join the post-conference reception.   
138,291 148,294

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught Claude.  
47,958 53,394

almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@dimirialexandreblaiddyd hey your highness what’s up   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught There’s a lot of weed in Faerghus.  
135,392 184,692

Sylvain Jose Gautier   
@gautier  
felix im sorry i didn’t mean to say you had buns i meant to say you had french baguettes   
152,398 89,304

almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd mmmmmm like the pesky kind or the feel good kind   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught We can start feeding the citizens weeds. There’s so many of them they won’t go hungry ever again.  
189,948 201,402

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught We can just pick them off the ground and stuff our faces. I’ve solved world hunger!  
218,592 248,492

Sylvain Jose Gautier   
@gautier  
mmmm you have… a lot of french baguettes. and a sword. which you use to cut those french baguettes    
33,475 19,802

almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd lol there might be a few ethical issues with that solution but good thinking!  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@gautier What the fuck are you doing? Why are you tweeting this on your main account?  


Sylvain Jose Gautier   
@gautier  
@felix because you blocked my private   
33,475 19,802

Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@gautier Your father is going to murder you  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught You’re right. It’s not quite nutritious enough.  
241,483 251,395

Sylvain Jose Gautier   
@gautier  
@felix it’s ok he’s used to me letting him down   
104,294 128,013

Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
…  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@gautier I’ll unblock you so delete those tweets  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught It’s a shame there’s no such thing as chicken-flavored weeds.  
286,205 291,304

Sylvain Jose Gautier   
@gautier  
o ok… thanks felix you’re the best    
33,475 19,802

almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd lmao what are you sure you didn’t munch on some of those weeds yourself   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova @felix you two ok? looks like sylvain’s trying his best to beat his highness off number one trending  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@failnaught I may have tried a few myself, yes.  
301,394 304,582

Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@failnaught He’s drunk  


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
understandable. i too want to gorge myself with wine every time count gloucester opens his mouth   


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@failnaught Which Count Gloucester?   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
What the fuck is chicken flavored weed  


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@onesucciboi that depends  


little lorey   
@onesucciboi  
@failnaught On what, exactly?   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@onesucciboi whether or not you still have the keys to my room  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
  
thanks felix… sorry  
  
Whatever. Why are you so drunk  
  
same old same old  
  
my father dangled me around like arm candy for most of the night  
  
spent a lot of it feeling sorry for myself  
  
for some reason i thought things would be different after graduating, but i guess im still defined by my crest huh  
  
…  
  
I said I wouldn’t die before you  
  
yeah  
  
I made that promise with you, Sylvain. Not anyone else  
  
I have no intention of honoring that promise when you’re just living the life your father wants you to  
  
what  
  
Kick your father in the dick, stop flirting with everything with two legs, and then maybe I’ll consider you worth upholding my end of the bargain  
  
felix i can’t do that!! i would sully my boots  
  
Hmph  
  
Make your own future, you idiot. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me to do  
  
so you do listen when i read fates changing to you!!  
  
but…yeah, you’re right. thanks  
  
by the way you’re wrong  
  
About what  
  
i don’t flirt with everything with two legs  
  
just two baguettes (Winking Face )  
  
Die  
  


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
What is the meaning of this?    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd Your highness? Is that you?    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
oh crap busted mama bear’s here   


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@daphnel Ingrid! It’s nice to talk to you again, my friend. It has been too long.  
248,398 242,584

Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd With all due respect, Highness, it hasn’t. It’s been five minutes since you told me to spend all of the Kingdom’s surplus money buying baskets for weed collecting.    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd psssst your princeliness, have you considered maybe not buying those baskets and instead just… buying food?   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd When did you get a Twitter account? And why are you tweeting these things on your main account? Do you know the possible repercussions of this?    


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
@daphnel I’m… sorry, Ingrid. I wasn’t aware that this was a bad thing. I was having so much fun that I didn’t realize my actions were hurting other people.  
319,293 324,504

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
Ingrid is mad at me. What did I do wrong and how can I fix it? :(  
342,403 342,495

Ingrid   
@daphnel  
… :(    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd No, I’m not mad at you, your highness. It’s not your fault.    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
Who was responsible for this?    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@failnaught Was it you?    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@daphnel lol im lowkey proud that im the first one you thought of, but no   


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
@daphnel a bro doesn’t sell out a bro, sorry lady knight   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@daphnel Sylvain  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
wh    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
Thank you, Felix. I see he’s right across the room. I’ll be sure he gets his due punishment.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
nothing sobers you up faster than the sight of ingrid running toward you angrily   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
o shit she’s coming full speed    


almyran potato   
@failnaught  
press f to pay respects  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
FELIX YOU TRAITOR YOU LITERALLY JUST TOLD ME TO CREATE MY OWN FUTURE    


handbag GET ♡   
@freikugal  
f    


dorothea~ ☆♡   
@divathea  
f  


Mercedes   
@lamine  
May the Goddess cleanse his soul.  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
WHY ARE YOU THE ONE ENDING MY FUTURE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not pictured: claude's incoherent screeching on his third account when sylvain insulted his favorite fic


	3. Lorenz - @onesucciboi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been awhile! The day I sat down to seriously finish this was the day they decided to release Maddening mode so I was like welp.  
But I was watching Smash earlier and a couple players were repping 3H tags so I felt bad procrastinating and came to work on this lol.

grape grape  @onesucciboi they did surgery on a grape  
(Claude, what does that even mean?)  
  
following  
78 followers  
78

  


  


Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd   
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd  
This is the royal staff of Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd. It has been brought to our attention that a suspicious individual has been posing as his highness and running this account as their own. As of today, the account has been turned over to the Kingdom and will be used to post updates and other important information. Thank you for your cooperation.  
314,293 394,284

moldy grape   
@failnaught  
boooo it was nice while it lasted  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
is it even clickbait if it’s 100% true  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@daphnel hey mom is his princeliness grounded or what   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@failnaught Please don’t call me that.   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
But no, he’s not grounded. The advisors have simply thought it best to let him focus on a private account first before they give his official account back to him.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
aka you don’t trust him lolol   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@daphnel dw about it!! leader man only calls judith that and he’s scared shitless of her so it’s a sign of respect ♡♡  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
ive been betrayed!!   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
you know, listening to his royalness talk has made me realize that i really wish i had a hunk of meat yes man as a retainer instead  


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@freikugal I see. In that case, please inform him that I did read his direct messages with his highness where he lied about having to give government secrets to unlock private accounts. If he ever says something like that again, he will be facing the tip of my lance.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
can you imagine, he’d slaughter all my enemies and stroke my ego and probably give the best hugs   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
Claude, it is a little disturbing that you can fantasize while Ingrid is threatening you.   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@onesucciboi …he is fantasizing about me?  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
lorenz this is how misunderstandings happen   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@daphnel Yes, he wants you to embrace and stroke him.  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
what   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
lmaooooo   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
Excuse me?  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
top 10 conversations i never want to have   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@onesucciboi you’re missing a couple of words there!!! the most important words!!   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver I do not know what you are speaking of.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@twitter hey im the KING OF ALMYRA i demand this man be banned for life   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
oh lorenz, you jokester. gotta love his sense of humor   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
nice damage control   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@daphnel anyway it’s not like his royalness gave me any actual info. he’s not as stupid as you seem to think he is   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal thanks i try   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver what’s number 1 on the conversation list   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@failnaught Rather than insulting his highness’ intelligence, it was more of an acknowledgement of your manipulative ways.  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@daphnel awwww thanks you’re making me blush   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal why lorenz’s hair is purple when his mother and father both have red hair   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
oh hey you’re right!!  


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
omg do you think THE count gloucester is a milkman baby??   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
I can finally have peace and quiet   
7

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal as a certified artist that has blessed by saint ignatz i can declare with certainty that red and red do not make purple   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver you’re not exactly in saint ignatz’s good graces right now   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver I have told you MULTIPLE times that my hair is dyed, for goodness sake.   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@onesucciboi im not sure you willingly dying your hair that color is a more flattering explanation   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
We do not even have a milkman! We raise our own cows in the Gloucester estate.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@freikugal all i did was dress up to show ignatz that id make a hotter goddess. i can’t help that he’s jealous of my bodacious eyebrows   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
(lorenz voice) while you were out frolicking, i studied the udder   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
ahhh day 1 without felix in my life. i feel wonderful. i don’t need a traitor like him anyway   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@dimitrialexandreblaiddyd hey has felix mentioned me at all today   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
you do have some goddess-slaying eyebrows  
1

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
o right i forgot he’s been grounded by mom   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel ingridddd has felix talked about me today   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
have you ever seen anyone pine harder than sylvain   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver I have, actually.   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
  


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@onesucciboi lmao what, is that claude??   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
(lorenz voice) im about to end this man’s whole career   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
…lorenz do you understand the meaning of this being the secret account of my secret account, those are government secrets you just leaked   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver The only thing I see here are your, pardon my Fodlian, “thisty tweets about fictional and unobtainable characters”.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
who taught lorenz all these big words   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@onesucciboi are you really that mad i called you a milkman baby   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver WHO WOULD NOT BE MAD?!   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught Hello, Claude. I have been born anew.   
1

moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@areadbhar hey there!! i was so lonely without you   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught I admit that I also missed speaking with you. We have been talking so much recently that I found myself to be quite saddened by your absence.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
he’s so earnest that i can’t even make fun of him without feeling like an ass   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
hilda: 1, leader man: 0   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
@twitter hi im the king of almyra i think i deserve the ability to downvote people i disagree with into oblivion   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@schemerbeaver for someone who insists it’s a secret you sure like throwing your title around   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@areadbhar how goes the chicken weed process  


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught Terrible. Felix found the baskets, called me a couple of unsavory words, and then proceeded to use said baskets for sword practice.   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught But that is quite alright, because I have concocted a new plan, one that I’m sure will work.   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught World hunger is caused by there being too many mouths to feed, correct? Then if we can stop people from having children, that problem will be solved.   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@areadbhar oh hey you’re right!! human extinction is the answer to all of our problems!!   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@areadbhar no wars, no poverty, and most importantly, no failing classes   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught What a perfect world that would be.   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@aymr hello miss edelgard your two political opponents are idiots   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
…   


Edelgard   
@aymr  
@freikugal Thank you, Hilda. I will make sure to use this to my advantage during the Battle of the Eagle and Lion.  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
is it immoral to kill babies if it’s for the greater good   
1

Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@daphnel Ingrid, that was a joke. You and the other royal advisors have been telling me to lighten up more.   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
@failnaught the day you accidentally post your hot takes on main is the day i join lorenz’s coup to overthrow you out of sheer second hand embarrassment  


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@areadbhar May I advise you use some emojis in the future? They may help to convey your intentions better.   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@daphnel Very well. I shall go educate myself right now. I hope I do not disappoint you.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
if i was anywhere near as diligent as his royalness is about anything maybe i’d be doing something important right now rather than just lying in bed on my phone   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
…hey wait, why did edelgard like my killing babies tweet   


FEAR THE DEER  
@schemerbeaver  
  
Claude, must I remind you to not antagonize Edelgard? Prince Dimitri may be receptive to your teasing, but it is common knowledge that Edelgard is not fond of you.  
  
ouch you sure know where to hit where it hurts  
  
but don’t worry, i know what im doing  
  
I have never heard a bigger lie in my life.  
  
keep in mind what i just told you, yeah? ive been trying to see if i can bait her into saying anything else, but so far nothing, except hubert slowly killing me on the inside every time he tweets at me  
  
How on earth are you always privy to information that I have no knowledge of?   
  
i have my sources (Winking Face )(Winking Face )  
  
but don’t worry, my friend, i’ll be sure to share all my findings with you  
  
Hm. Well, alright.   
  
wow really, just like that? i had no idea you trusted me so much lol  
  
I have at least 476 screenshots that could ruin your life, Claude.  
  
…lorenz, you’re too powerful  
  
As long as you are aware.  
  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
(lorenz voice) i won’t download minecraft because i don’t have enough room on my computer   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
(also lorenz) i have 476 screenshots of claude on my computer taking up all the room (Face Throwing A Kiss )(Face Throwing A Kiss )   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
(claude voice) if lorenz was in a burning building with takumi and i could save two people, i would save takumi fire emblem twice  
1

FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
hey im royalty in two countries   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
all i have to do to unite fodlan and almyra is marry myself   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
im legally allowed to make questionable decisions   


Ferdinand von Aegir  
@ferdiebot  
I am Ferdinand von Aegir.  
646 996

strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
siri, how is it possible for someone to have an ego the size of fodlan even though he’s had everything handed to him  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@ferdiebot hey there remember to get enough rest!!  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
  
1

Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught Hello, Claude. o(≧∇≦o)   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
…um whose child is that  


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught I have returned with these. I hope they do a good job of demonstrating my feelings. o(〃＾▽＾〃)o   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@areadbhar wb your highness, they’re cute   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
(claude voice) oh fuc he’s hot   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@daphnel thank you for this wonderful idea. im sorry i called you mom before. you’ve been promoted to grandmama   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@failnaught Wonderful.   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught Thank you. I find them delightful. (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@areadbhar my favorite one is this one  
(っ- ‸ – ς)   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@areadbhar or maybe this one 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova nice find, i can definitely see the resemblance   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@mistercasanova Sylvain, I believe your eyes are a little bigger. (￣▽￣)ノ  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@areadbhar you right 凸⊙益⊙)凸  


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@areadbhar What is wrong with him, your highness? Has he been rejected by another girl?  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
lorenz eagerly awaits the verdict to his and sylvain’s tied match of how many girls they can be rejected by   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@failnaught It is not tied. I am losing by two.   
1

Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@onesucciboi I believe he is upset that Felix has not begged him to unblock him.  
(๑꒪▿꒪)*  


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
You have got to be kidding me  


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@felix I’m just the messenger. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°  


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
tags: slow burn, hurt no comfort, miscommunication, sylvain being sylvain   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
word count: 0 because there’s no communication   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
No relationship pairings.   
2

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
┌П┐(►˛◄’!)  


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
oh hey lorey you actually paid attention to my fanfic spiels!!   


grape grape   
@onesucciboi  
@schemerbeaver Unlike you, I at least have the decency to pretend I care when it comes to trivial and unimportant things.   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
ouch   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova hey sylvain if you’re feeling down i have something good to tell you   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught does it have to do with one of our dark haired weird classmates   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova yeah i’ll dm you  


strawberry grape  
@freikugal  
  
And so that is that.  
  
how does he keep getting all this info??  
  
You know Claude. He probably swindled it out of some poor unsuspecting soul.  
  
think he told dimitri about it yet?  
  
We are talking about the same Claude, correct?  
  
i mean yeah, but he should!! it’s an assassination plot, right??  
  
To put it in good terms, he is verifying his sources before jumping to conclusions. To put it in bad terms, he is waiting to see what happens first before making his move.  
  
He also wanted you to tell your brother and his troops to join the Almyran army when they come through the Locket.  
  
oh boy it’s serious then  
  
claude’s super scared of my brother he always runs away screaming whenever he sees him  
  
That may have to do with the mountain of paperwork your brother always comes with.  
  


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova UM HI, YOU’RE SYLVAIN RIGHT? W-WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova I MEAN, NOT THAT YOU’RE BAD OR ANYTHING!! BUT YOU’RE STILL KIND OF A STRANGER.  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught in what world is bernadetta’s hair dark colored   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova im colorblind   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
bs   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@berniebear hey there! i can unfollow if you want, but ive read all your fics and just wanted to let you know that i love them a lot   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova You did what.   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@berniebear your passion really shines through and i love your writing style. it’s amazing how you can put into words all the feelings the characters are feeling   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@ladyedelgard Is it illegal to set someone on fire?   


Hubert von Vestra  
@ladyedelgard  
@ladyedelgard Unfortunately, yes. However, I will speak to Lady Edelgard about changing that particular law. In the meantime, I will lend you my services should you need to hide his body.  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
what  


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
SLDKHFSLEIUFSLDFJ:DSJ”FOS I:EFSJIF:SJDKFL:JA AWIFSJDL:JLSKFGJ:LSD   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU READ IT OH MY GOSH PLEASE DELETE THAT TRASH FROM YOUR MIND.   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@berniebot even if i wanted to i can’t do that lol also it’s the most popular fates fic on fodland fics, a lot of people have read it   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
SFOIJEWOF DSJKFL OISEFJSDFJ:ASJF:ADIJO:AWKJSA  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova DON’T TELL ME THAT!! I WANT TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT!!  


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova SHOULDN’T IT BE VERY OBVIOUS FROM THE SUMMARY THAT I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO READ IT??  


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
Oh no Bernie, how are you going to find a husband after all this??????  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova the saying goes, never meet your idols because they’re not as cool in real life   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught why are you not in shock like i am   


moldy grape   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova lol you’re the one who is obsessed with her writing, im just here to stan takumi fire emblem   


strawberry grape   
@freikugal  
(claude voice) 2d is the superior race   


FEAR THE DEER   
@schemerbeaver  
  
1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this plot in my crack??  
Also as many of you guessed, yes quiet whispers is Bernie. I thought about making it someone funnier and less obvious, but in order to include a Black Eagle rep I still decided to make it her.


	4. Felix - @felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maddening mode is kicking my ass  
the fact that death knight can now move is screwing me up  
i also got a new puppy  
take this chapter that i wrote in between rage quitting and cleaning poop off the floor

Felix Hugo Fraldarius @felix Only the strong survive in this world  
  
following  
36 followers  
1328

  


  


Randolph   
@randolph  
As the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion draws near, tensions rise between the three countries as they gear up for the annual showcase battle.    
495,193 823,401

Randolph   
@randolph  
However, recent reports of murders taking place near Garreg Mach could shake the tentative peace that Fodlan has been enjoying. The killer has not yet been identified, but all sides have begun pointing fingers.    
497,208 825,584

Randolph   
@randolph  
It is a well-documented fact that the three young leaders often find it difficult to settle their differences. Will this series of murders finally be the catalyst to crack the peace treaties? Will the leaders of this nation be able to recover from this devastating blow? They must all be wracking their brains, trying to come up with a way to lessen this impeding doom.    
582,391 859,245

fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@areadbhar if i painted eyes on my eyelids do you think i could get away with sleeping during our next meeting   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@failnaught You have my word that I will not tell a single soul.   
∩( ´∀` )∩  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
why can’t lorenz be as cool as you   


fashion? wuzzat   
@onesucciboi  
@failnaught Because Lorenz is the one doing all the paperwork for you.   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@onesucciboi That sounds horrid. Do you need some help?   
((o(;△;)o))   


fashion? wuzzat   
@onesucciboi  
@areadbhar I appreciate the offer, Your Highness, but that is not necessary.   


fashion? wuzzat   
@onesucciboi  
@areadbhar If I ever feel overwhelmed, I can just bring up any of the pranks Claude used to play back at the academy and guilt trip him into finishing at least a stack.  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
what  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
i knew you were doing it on purpose!! hilda was trying to convince me that you weren’t the spawn of satan but i knew better!!!   


fashion? wuzzat   
@onesucciboi  
@failnaught Takes one to know one.   


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
(lorenz voice) bitch    
2

Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@onesucciboi Claude’s pranks back at Garreg Mach tended to be rather childish at times, weren’t they?   
(*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑   


fashion? wuzzat   
@onesucciboi  
@areadbhar Indeed.   


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
(っ◞‸◟c) no bully   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
noo, faerghus and alliance relations IN SHAMBLES!    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
soon an all out war will happen and there’s NOTHING you can do to stop it    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
we must accept that dimitri’s kindness and claude’s inability to get anyone to listen to him will ultimately be the downfall of the entirety of fodlan, no, THE WORLD    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
more at nine after edelgard’s daily skin care routine    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
that was my randolph impression    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova damn you even got the bit where he singles me out in every single article   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
tbh that whole spiel was just a ploy to be able to legally insult claude    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
(っ◞‸◟c) no bully   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
…why am I unblocked  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
i swear he can be waxing poetry about edelgard’s beautiful hair ribbons and then mention how it is solely due to my bad leadership that dinosaurs went extinct   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova Block me again  


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
@failnaught have you ever seen hubert and randolph in the same room    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@freikugal …i think you’re onto something here, my friend   
1

all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix i guess you don’t want to hear about this sword of zoltan i found at the market the other day    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
have you ever been so obsessed with someone you spent every waking moment thinking about them   


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
@failnaught yes, marianne (Face Throwing A Kiss )   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova You guessed right. Goodbye  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@freikugal ok i don’t need to hear again how a lazy and delicate maiden is getting more action than the prestigious leader of the esteemed leicester alliance  


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
@failnaught hey lorenz said that, not me!!    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix wait what    


fashion? wuzzat   
@onesucciboi  
I may have been slightly inebriated at the time.   
2

Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@mistercasanova I already bought the sword for Felix.   
٩( ᐛ )و   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@areadbhar bought him off already, didn’t you    


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@mistercasanova I simply utilized all my resources.   
(و ˃̵ᴗ˂)و   


all women are queens ♕  
@mistercasanova  
  
lol did you know that bernadetta used to write porn of the two of us  
  
What  
  


Garreg Mach’s Gatekeeper   
@gatekeeper  
Hello there, something to report! In light of the upcoming Battle of the Eagle and Lion, Garreg Mach will be conducting an official popularity poll to foster competitive spirit. The link to the poll will be posted on @garregmach twenty-four hours from now. May the strongest competitor win!    
640,792 920,310

fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
foster competitive spirit… :thonking:   


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
what is this sense of foreboding doom i feel  


Hubert von Vestra  
@ladyedelgard  
If I find out that any of you voted for Claude over Lady Edelgard, I will make sure you never have the opportunity to vote again.  


Hubert von Vestra  
@ladyedelgard  
I know of fifty ways to dispose a body so that you will never be found.  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
how is this man not in jail yet   


Hubert von Vestra  
@ladyedelgard  
I AM the police.  


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
(hubert voice) BITCH    


Rodrigue  
@shieldoffaerghus  
  
Felix, my son. I have heard about the recent spectacle with His Highness and his social media account. You must make sure that something like that does not happen again.  
  
We cannot allow for the enemies to perceive him as weak or incapable.  
  
Reprimand him for his mistakes, but do not blame him for his lack of knowledge. It is not his fault, but rather ours for failing to educate him.  
  
His Highness deserves to be happy. That is all I wish for in this life.  
  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
“Sylvain let out a breathy sigh, combing through the dark blue locks. They were softer than they looked.” – i love how you wrote this paragraph. i emphasized with the main character so much it almost felt like we’re the same person    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
“Felix grumbled and pinched his nose, swatting him with his shirt before throwing it over to the desk. ‘Be quiet,’ Felix snapped. ‘You’ll wake up the boar next door.’” – im a little amazed that you somehow knew the room arrangements at the academy despite never having left your own room but hey kudos to you    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova What the fuck is this  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix o hey im live reading the porno i told you about    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix wanna turn this fanfiction into… nonfiction? (Winking Face )(Winking Face )   


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova No  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix heh well yeah there’s no way this is nonfiction anyway    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix your hair isn’t soft, it’s greasy and disgusting    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova Fuck you  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix that’s what you were doing, yeah    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught fodlanfics.com/20fxDeS    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
thank me later    


Ferdinand von Aegir   
@ferdinandvonaegir  
Edeglard bested me in battle today. I see despite the strict training regime that I have been following ever since graduation, I have not put in enough effort to become the strongest in the class.   
1,539 2,049

Ferdinand von Aegir   
@ferdinandvonaegir  
No matter. There is still time before the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. I will renew my training and demonstrate to the world that I am Ferdinand von Aegir, and I am the strongest in the Black Eagles House.   
1,784 2,351

Ferdinand von Aegir  
@ferdiebot  
I am Ferdinand von Aegir.  
2,314 2,394

Ferdinand von Aegir   
@ferdinandvonaegir  
Edelgard may be stronger than me, but she does not have my agility nor quick thinking. I should be able to…   
2,482 3,294

Ferdinand von Aegir   
@ferdinandvonaegir  
…who is that?   
10,389 10,851

fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
same hat   
14

dorothea~ ☆♡   
@divathea  
Oh my, they finally meet~♡ Ferdie and the better Ferdie   
2

Ferdinand von Aegir   
@ferdinandvonaegir  
@failnaught That does not answer my question.   
620 965

dorothea~ ☆♡   
@divathea  
You know when the idea of someone is so dreamy and perfect, but the actual person makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little?  


dorothea~ ☆♡   
@divathea  
Ferdiebot is not that~♡   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
is it just me or does dorothea hate all good looking people    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova well she doesn’t hate me, sooo (Winking Face )   
1

fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova what is this link. i need an adult   


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
why are you sending me porn of you and felix. is this some kind of new voyeurism kink that i haven’t been subscribed to   


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
how do i sign up   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught oops sent that by accident    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
siri how do you accidentally send gay porn of you and your tsun childhood friend to a random stranger   


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
you mean you have another sexy times with felix just lying around somwhere   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@failnaught meant to send this one:  fodlanfics.com/a23D9S    


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
@mistercasanova oh cool nice   


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
it’s ok i guess   


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
don’t let him trying to remain cool and collected distract you from the fact that he’s currently flipping out    


fashion queen   
@freikugal  
claude.exe has stopped working    


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@mistercasanova Sylvain, please! I would never do such a thing to Claude.   


Dimitri   
@areadbhar  
@mistercasanova I would at least have the manners to court him properly first.   
(｡・・｡)  
9

fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
  
4

Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova SDLKFJSLDKFJEIOSFJLKSDFJLKDS!!!!!   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova HOW DID YOU FIND THOSE?!?! I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD EVER READ THEM!!!!   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
@mistercasanova WHY WOULD YOU SPREAD THEM AROUND?! YOU’RE A BULLY!!!   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@berniebear lol dw i didn’t say you wrote them   


Bernadetta   
@berniebear  
An eye for an eye.   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
wha    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel hypothetically speaking, purely hypothetical of course, if you just saw bernadetta walk past your window holding a shotgun what would you do   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova Run.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel noted, bye    


Annie  
@swampbeasties  
  
_Annie sent a video_   
  
Nice  
  
Ugh, I can’t believe you still make me send you recordings. We’re not in school anymore!  
  
So? I can still listen to you sing if I want to  
  
I mean, there’s no law saying you can’t. It’s just kind of embarrassing!  
  
By the way, the guy in this song sounds like an asshole  
  
He’s rude and never listens to what anyone else has to say  
  
You deserve better than that  
  
Oh my gosh  
  
FELIX, THAT GUY IS YOU!!  
  


all women are queens ♕  
@mistercasanova  
  
You dead?  
  
not yet  
  
K  
  


Captain  
@knightsoffaerghus  
  
I saw you at training the other day.  
  
Glenn must be rolling in his grave watching you now.  
  
He was so courteous to everyone, you know? He helped all the new recruits and showed them the ropes.  
  
And don’t even get me started on his battle prowess. There’s no one that can come even close to how he fought.  
  
He was supposed to be the next shield of Faerghus. But now that it’s your role, you won’t even take it seriously.  
  
Honestly, have you ever considered that maybe the world would be a better place if you had been the one who died then instead of him?  
  
No one will say it, but we’re definitely all thinking it.  
  


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova If you’re not dead, you should tell him.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
i have such good friends ♡ everyone cares so much about my wellbeing ♡    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova Stop being so dramatic. If it makes you feel better, I liked it.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@daphnel that’s what bernadetta said too   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
after she finished assaulting me with teddy bears, that is    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
Ugh, I’m so sick of watching you two dance around each other for years.    


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@felix   


Ingrid   
@daphnel  
@mistercasanova There, I did half the work for you.    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
INGRID DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW PLS IM NOT READY YET    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
What  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix SDFLKSDKLFJSDLKF HI FELIX  


fashion disaster   
@failnaught  
lol he’s even talking like bernadetta now   


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
…………………….    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix TAKE THIS  fodlanfics.com/d83Sfd    


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
@felix and let’s never bring this up again, yeah please and thank you im going to hide now    


Felix Hugo Fraldarius  
@felix  
@mistercasanova If this is another sex fic, you are going to wish Bernadetta killed you  


Ingrid  
@daphnel  
  
Have you seen that idiot? I need to talk to him  
  
He said he didn’t want to talk about it, right? He’s probably hiding  
  
He wrote a 50k slow burn friends to lovers fics about me and him. How could he expect me not to respond  
  
And you finished said 50k slow burn friends to lovers fic in less than a day.  
  
Do you know where he is or not  
  
Sorry, no. Maybe ask His Highness?  
  
Ugh  
  


all women are queens ♕   
@mistercasanova  
  
I didn’t hate it  
  


Randolph   
@randolph  
Breaking news! Miklan Gautier of House Gautier has just been detained.   
530,485 965,348

Randolph   
@randolph  
He admits to conspiring with the people of Duscur to assassinate the King of Faerghus five years ago. He and his group of thieves were caught near the Adrestrian border and have since confessed to numerous other crimes, including the recent murder of Count Vestra.   
556,459 9624,246

Randolph   
@randolph  
As of now, the Adrestrian Empire deems the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus not politically organized to make a well-educated decision, and so the Empire will take the responsibility of passing down a verdict.   
563,950 944,103

Randolph   
@randolph  
House Gautier will be stripped of its land and dissolved. The land will be placed in the Empire’s care while we look for a suitable replacement.    
572,504 975,087

Randolph   
@randolph  
And as of now, it seems that the members of the Gautier household have gone into hiding. If you come across any of them, please alert authorities right away. They are dangerous and may have also been involved in the regicide, so they must be detained immediately.   
570,849 943,230

Randolph   
@randolph  
This decree is effective as of today.   
623,468 980,239

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: hey it's sylvix week  
me: nice, sylvix is like 99% angst anyway might as well write this

**Author's Note:**

> Author who just graduated with a degree in CS and is currently working a fulltime CS job: Wow I finally got a long weekend, it'd be super fun if I could write a fic that was 99% CS!!!
> 
> Honestly I spent so much more time formatting this than writing it //sweats but that's okay because the worst part was the fact that none of these kids have any official art of them!!!!
> 
> Also. I'm still not sure if I'm going to include all of the kids since I'm not sure of my ability to write them. I have a few others planned out but I'm super biased toward Blue Lions + Claude & Hilda (if that wasn't obvious) so we'll see what I end up doing. There will definitely be a lot more Black Eagles representation in later chapters too.
> 
> Bonus points to whoever can guess who runs our first two mystery accounts (@ferdiebot and @quietwhispers)
> 
> In case it was not obvious, Claude's @failnaught is visible to all Garreg Mach students and @schemerbeaver is visible only to Golden Deer.  
Dimitri believes the @ turns it into a message, and without it it's a search inquiry.
> 
> And, since this is fitting for this fic, follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nagittos)


End file.
